“Zada clear nai hai. Shayad larki hai.”
This is how I was told about the gender of my baby in the 8th month of my pregnancy.
In contrast to the confident “boy hai apka” in the 5th month of my first pregnancy.
I gave the doctor benefit of doubt and said things like: “I can’t wait to shop” and “should I start looking for pink stuff then, is it clear enough?”
I wanted her to know that I am perfectly happy with having a girl. I wanted to put her at ease and she replied with a “100% tow nai hota kuch.”
I told her that I agreed. I just wanted her to tell me happily, to not be this nervous. But her lack of confidence disappointed me.
Now before you say that she might have been telling the truth that it wasn’t clear “because of the position” I could feel my baby move inside of me and could even see her moving on screen. Upon my insistence she checked again and said in a whisper “umm yes girl hai maybe“.
She whispered, in a room where only she and I were present. She whispered like it was a bad thing.
So I decided to do a little survey of my own and asked a couple of people who had daughters how they were told about the gender. Turns out, more than half of the ladies who had daughters had the same story to share.
I understand that it’s not the doctor’s fault. She has probably seen people reacting badly to finding out that they are having “the dreaded gender”.
Let’s forward to the time when the baby was finally born. She was having her check up and I asked the nurse to bring the baby to me and if she’s doing fine. She told me to wait for the check up to be done. So I asked her the next obvious question, “is it a boy or a girl?” She laughed it off saying “wait kro.”
She then asked me a question, “pehlay kya hai tumhara?”
I told her about my son and she happily said: “chalo phir ab dono Hogue mash’Allah. Choti si doll ai hai.”
I could hear the doctor and nurse standing around my child and exclaiming: “gurya ai hai.”
The whole staff in the labour room was happy.
Let me get this straight it’s not about validation from anyone.
It’s about the vibes people send your way when they get to know you have a daughter. It’s about the positivity. The mojo, as they say.
Disappointment in this case is not new for me. Coming from a family of sisters all of us have had to answer that pitiful question: “oh bus 3 behnain? Bhai nai hai?”
And then that face they make when you answer in negative.
I’m sure my parents have had to go through similar pitiful looks.
These people will never stop to praise the fact that our parents never raised us as a girl or a boy instead we were taught to be head strong, independent, opinionated and confident. We were taught things that both genders should know.
And I’m proud of that.
I will insha’Allah do the same for my children.
But the question is when will we leave this hesitation before saying: “it’s a girl!”
When will people stop making pitiful faces when told that there are no boys in the family?
When will people stop asking us “bhai ki kumi mehsoos nai hoti?”
Why? I mean what was a brother going to do that my sisters can’t?
I am not dissing boys here don’t get me wrong.
I have a son who I adore. The first thing he asked me when I came out of the labour room lying on a bed was “mama kya hwa?” So I don’t even believe in silly things like “girls zada caring hoti hain.”
Boys are just as loving and just as special.
But feeling sorry that you had a girl or that you have no brothers is still so common. Even in the 21st century.
Whatever gender the child is please show enthusiasm and happiness. The mother will have to listen to a lot of idiotic questions and statements all her life. So next time someone has a child avoid saying things like;
“Pehla beta hojaye tow sakoon hojata hai.”
“Beti ne tow aik din chor k he jana hai.”
“Beta hai? Waisay aj kul tow betian he akhri umar mae sath deti hain.”
“Beti hai? Burhi umar ka sahara tow beta he hota hai.”
“Beti ki tow zimmidari he itni hojati hai, opar se aj kul parhana bhi parta hai.”
“Beta hai tow baap ka sahara hai.”
“Beti paida hotay he ma bap k kandhay jhuk jatay hain.”
Yes these are actually statements/remarks that I have heard people make.
Be happy that the couple has a child, celebrate it, pray for them.
If you’re not happy then please just stay away from them. No one needs your negativity and bad vibes in their life!
This article is written by Ana Ahmed Rizwan and she also blogs here