The false istikhara

This is not a rant or a query. Rather my story that I’d like to share with everyone who’s going through a heartbreak or a breakup.

Around a year ago, I posted anonymously on the Soul Sisters Pakistan forum, about how my boyfriend’s mother refused our rishta claiming that ‘istikhara nahi aaya‘. This was our story: we started dating when we were teenagers. We were madly in love and it was a perfect relationship. He was a decent guy and never forced me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. We belonged to different communities and with time I started to understand the differences between our families.

But I was okay with everything. I really wanted to marry him and would go all the way to make him happy. Anyway. Fastforward a couple of years. His elder brother was getting married. And he told me specifically how his mother had a ‘thing’ for good looking fair girls so I need to start working on my complexion if I wanted his amma to like me. I am dark skinned and he showed me his brothers fiancée who was very pretty according to his mother’s standards. I fell into a major complex. I used to question Allah miyan for not making me beautiful according to society’s standards. I started doing every whitening totka in the book.

All it did was shatter my confidence even more everyday because there’s not much I could do with what Allah taalah has given me naturally.

Earlier last year he spoke to his family about me and they outright refused. He tried to convince them for a couple of months and it all ended with a false istikhara. I know I was at fault for holding onto a broken relationship for so long but he made me believe that if he left me no one else will accept me because I wasn’t beautiful enough.

I was devastated. Cried for nights and felt hollow completely. But I never stopped praying and it was the power of prayers that healed me and I started feeling better off without him. I started feeling happy, independent and free. Because that toxic relationship was now over. I didn’t have to do any stupid totka to feel beautiful. I started spending quality time with family and friends and I can’t even tell how life suddenly got better.
During this time. I don’t know – call it coincidence or what, my mother asked me if she should look for suitable rishtas for me. Deep down I knew no one would accept me but I said yes to her. Within 6 months there were 3 proposals and I got engaged to the guy my parents thought was best.

I took this new relationship very positively and as a gift from Allah and it has turned out amazing so far. My fiance is a gem and he makes me feel beautiful. And I can’t be happier enough! We are getting married later this year InshaAllah. ❤

If you are going through a toxic relationship, please run away as fast as you can. Life has so much more to offer. There’s so much happiness away from this abusive relationship. You are a queen – don’t let anyone treat you otherwise.

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