“Let there be no room in your marriage,” she said.
“What do you mean? No room in my marriage for what?”
“For anything. For everything.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” the newly-wed frowned.
With a smile that mirrored years of truth discovered bitterly, lessons learnt the hard way, patience, perseverance and a contentment that had finally found its path into her heart, the older woman replied:
“Let there be no room in your marriage.
Room for a pillow between the two of you as you sleep at night.
Room for the need to shout across the room because you refuse to sit close to each other, to look into each other’s eyes and to talk the issues you have.
Room for a third, in your mind, thoughts, heart, conversations, Whatsapp, chats. You are better alone than to let the third encroach your peace of mind and what you share with your spouse.
Room in how the world perceives your marriage; show people your cracks and they will slither and wither their way in.
Room for thundering silence; fight aggressively and make up aggressively instead.
Room for harshness; the hardest conversations can be had in the most polite of manners.
Room for eye-candy; when was the last time you stared at your spouse again?
Room between your hands, whenever and wherever possible to hold them.
Room for ingratitude, insolence, carelessness; a small thank you never killed anyone and appreciation brings out better sustainability in people than you would expect.
Room for secrets; space is important for human beings, but overdo it and you run the risk of sharing no interests or meaningful conversations with your partner.
Room for criticism of others, particularly those close to your partner’s heart; why must strangers or third persons have the luxury of making their way into your most intimate and private time together?
Room for disappearance when not sharing the same piece of land; distance truly makes the heart grow fonder, and that fondness must always, always be expressed.
Room for perfection; you are not perfect and your spouse is not perfect, but you may learn how to complete each other with all your incompleteness.
Room for grudges in the heart.
Room for ego. Room for taunts. Room for ‘you’ or room for ‘me’.
Room for abuse. Room for bearing abuse. Room for violence.
Room for giving in to that which must not be given in to.
Room for anything and everything, my sweetheart, that must not live alongside the sanctity and beauty that is a marriage.
Take away this room and water the seeds of affection, belonging and unity. Time will prove to you how wrong you were in your misconceived notions of everything wrong with your marriage and how irreparable you thought it all was.”
This article has been written by A. S. Abbi