Guardian of my religion?

My story is about someone who we would otherwise consider the Muhafiz of our Deen. In reality they are so far away from Islam.

This was the man who used to come to my house to teach us the Quran and how to pray. So knowledgable about stories of the Prophet (SAW) and Ahadith. He was a regular visitor since I was six years old and everything was fine till the time my body started to change and I hit puberty. He would pull me close to the pillow I would have the Quran on, pull my head down and then from under my long scarf let his hand slide inside my shirt. It used to hurt a lot and I often bit on his hand.

I would tell my mother I had already read the Quran three times and that I was good at it. I would tell her I did not want to study with him anymore but no one took me seriously. And assumed I was just being rude. I was in fact scolded for it. She wanted me to continue with the teacher because they thought I would slack otherwise. They also believed that through us this “poor man” was able to earn a few hundreds to support his own family. Yes, he had his own family – a daughter too. My father even knew him for several years and respected him as he was the Moazzan at the local mosque.

My parents firmly believed he was pious and kind and would gift him with clothes and food all the time. Luckily, when I was 16 we moved abroad to America and I never had to see him again. But there has not been a single day that I haven’t prayed for him to burn in hell.

Because of him, I have been depressed for many years. I have been scared to approach people. I used to hate men. I even loathed my own parents for never understanding me and for always giving him priority. For believing him when he complained about me spitting on him and that I needed to study under his guidance.

I know he is a father of a daughter but I do not wish that his daughter even goes through a tiny bit of what I have been through because of him. But I want to see him burning in hell. Even after all these years, my heart is still not in peace. The memory of his face scares me.

N0te: I told my mom about this incident at age 20! And she felt horrible for not being there when I needed her the most. And u ntil today I didn’t have the guts to share this with anyone else. Please, please always be wary of the people your children are around. And always believe them. Kids don’t lie. 

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