30+ phrases of emotional abuse in desi households

What is psychological abuse?

Here’s what google says:

Psychological abuse (also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse, or mental abuse) is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Emotional abuse in simple words when it come to a relationship.

Let’s talk about the type of emotional abuse inflicted on married women in Pakistan. These are seemingly little things, but they add up. This is written for women – men too undoubtedly go through various forms of psychological abuse by their spouses.

1. Restrictions on meeting parents/family.

2. Husband putting all the burden on the wife and not participating in any matters related to the house.

3. Letting the wife fight for herself with the in laws (or anyone) without supporting her.

4. Not giving enough time to her (wife).

5. Degrading her by criticizing her looks, her appearance etc.

6. Putting the burden of raising the children entirely on the wife because he “earns”.

7. “Bachay nana nani k ghar gai thay. How did they fall sick?” Putting the blame on the wife.

8. “Tumhari nand maikay aye hui hai. Tou tum kesay karin ja sakti ho?”

9. “Let’s celebrate the kids’ birthdays.”
Husband: “Ami se pooch loon zara?”

10. Buy whatever you purchased for your own parents for your mother in law too.

11. “Chahay maro, bachay paida kero, viral say recover karo, hath kat jai ya Maa hospital may ho. Roti tou tumko he banani hai.”

12. Coming home from your mum’s place to find all the dishes from the previous day in the sink despite there being lots of other people at home.

13. ARAY BETI PAY BETI! Buss, ab beta karlo.

14. You’re too advanced. At least don’t wear jeans in front of rishtedaar. (Even if the top is a long kurta).

15. Mein mard hoon. 100 jaga bhi moon maroon, laikin tum tou meri izzat ho. Meri bachon ki ma ho.

16. How dare did nani name the children. That is a right reserved only for dadiyal.

17. “Agar apnay C-Section k baad bhe tum apni ami k ghar pura sawa mahina rehna hai tou wahein reh jana. Itnay din meri maa ko bacha yaad aiga.”

18. Shaadi ko 4 din huway hain. Souno aj Ammi bol rahe hain k onkay pass sojao. Tou tum manage ker lena.

19. Honey Moon. Woh kiya hota hai? Family vacation hojai. Akelay bore hojaingay.

20. “Yaar tumharay karchay Ziada nae hain?”

21. “Tum kiya chahti ho Mai apnay AMMI AABU say tumharay liya batamizi kero?”
(Mai bhe apki biwi hon. Batamizi na kero baat tou kero.)

22. “Yaar islam may 4 shaadia allowed hain… Mai tou bus dosri ki ijazat lay raha hon.”

23. “Oski biwi ko dekho kitni tameezdar lagti hai. Or aik tum ho.”

24. “Apni koe khuwahish puri kerni hai tou apnay baap say bolo meray pass fazool paisa nae hai.”

25. “Why do you need pocket money. Sub tumhara he tou hai jo chahea mujay bata dena.”

26. “Ab kuin perhna hai? Mai kama raha hona. Tum ghar dekho bachay palo.”

27. “Yeh kesay perha rahi ho. Bachay ko apni terha jahil banana hai kiya?”

28. “Beta apni ma ki terha ghar pay na beth jana. Kuch bun k dekhana.

29. I’m going to make my son a doctor so I can get him an educated wife. Meri toh kismet hi kharab thi. Won’t let that happen to my son.

30. “Suno, tum toh meri life partner ho. Samajhti ho. Pehlay let me manage for my family and then I will fulfill all your needs.

31. After a big fight if the woman leaves the house: “jesay gae hai khud. Wapis bhe khud he aigi“. No calls, no apologies.

Have you ever been said any of these things? What are some more unkind words – for women – that are common in married households in our society?

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